peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
