You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
