My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
