Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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