Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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