Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
