Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
