just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
