2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
