I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
