They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
