Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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