Are we in a gay sports bar?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
