Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
