No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
