i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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