i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
