Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
