Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We just shotgunned beers for America
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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