All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
