Already got asked if we're dating
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
