I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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