so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
