Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
