You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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