Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize