She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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