I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
