tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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