I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
