Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
