spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
