i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize