Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
