i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
