Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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