he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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