I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
