i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
