She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
