So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
