He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
