you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
