please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
