You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
