I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
