Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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