I wish you could order shots online.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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