break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
