you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
