Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
