rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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