Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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