All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
