There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
