THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
