Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
