i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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