I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
