Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize