More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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