Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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