The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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