she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
