Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
