Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
