I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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