fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
