Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
