Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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