My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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