I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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