just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
