he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
