I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize