so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
