At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
