Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
