So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
