If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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