Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
