It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was not drunk enough for that final.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
